It’s Friday night, 6:27 pm to be exactly.
The oven just beeped that it was preheated for a batch of cookies that haven’t even been made yet, the candles are lit to hide the stench from the trash that desperately needs to be thrown out, and I am just sitting on the couch- still in my pajamas from yesterday.
It’s been a day to say the least.
Actually, it’s been a week, or two.
Constant emotion and doubt, stress and fear.
I can’t seem to let go of what troubles have been coming my way lately. Troublesome thoughts, situations, the ones I can’t seem to control.
As I sit on the couch, I hear the music playing from my phone.
“Hills and Valleys” by Tauren Wells just came on.
“No matter what I have, Your grace is enough. No matter where I am, I'm standing in Your love.”
I sit, sulking in what feels like having nothing- nothing figured out, nothing solved, but I am reminded that actually I have ENOUGH. His LOVE is more than enough. His grace covers me through life’s current storms.
“When I am walking through the valley end, no I am not alone.”
Oh I am walking alright, slowly, but I am walking. And at times it feels lonely, especially on nights like tonight when my husband is working until tomorrow morning and I feel restless and alone. So, tonight, you could say that I am trudging along, feeling this loneliness, but reminded through this song that I am not alone. It’s easy to feel alone, though, but how great is it to know that we don’t have to be. On our hills, in the valleys, on the ledges, rooftops, oceans deep, winding paths- we are not alone. We have a God that is ALWAYS with us. Joshua 1:9 reads:
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
WHEREVER life takes you, He will be with you.
Now, Hillary Scott’s “Thy Will” plays.
“I know you hear me. I know you see me Lord. Your plans are for me, goodness you have in store.”
I relate to these lyrics simply because life doesn’t make sense. I know the Lord hears my cry, and sees me hurting, and I question it. I question why life has to get this way. I question why hurtful things have to happen. But, we cannot question the GOODNESS that is God. HIS plans are for US.
There is GOODNESS in store, no matter what painful situation you are living in. Let Thy Will be done, Lord- even when I do not understand.
Sometimes we have to remember that through pain comes strength, through uncertainty comes understanding, and through fear comes courage! He has a place for every puzzle piece we can’t quite understand. He has a plan that is GOOD.
We will suffer losses.
We will make mistakes.
We will get lost.
We will be fought.
We will get cheated.
We will be pushed in the wrong way.
But, He SEES us. He HEARS us. & He gets us through!
“And my shipwrecked faith will never get me to shore. Can He find me here? Can He keep me from going under?”
"Oh My Soul", Casting Crowns came on next.
If I am being honest, my faith isn’t where it should be lately. I haven’t opened my bible as often as I should be. I haven’t prayed the types of prayers that I could be. Instead, I have been sitting and sulking, feeling very shipwrecked. I opened my Bible the other night, and my eyes were seeing words but my heart was feeling nothing. Waves of tears streamed down my face. I was frustrated with myself. I must have been doing something wrong, right? I wasn’t feeling a connection; I was just feeling stranded in emotions. I was shouting at God, begging Him to meet me here, fill me here, find me here- before I drown.
Our faith will get a little shipwrecked from time to time. It’s okay. What matters is that you are TRUSTING that God WILL find you at your lowest. He WILL Keep you from going under. He will help you to find the shore. You must cry out to Him, though. Make that effort even when it is the hardest. Believe me I know. I’ve had nights that I have dreaded even trying to open up my bible with the fear that maybe I wouldn’t be able to reach what I needed. I have had nights where my emotions have taken over my time with God and distracted me. PUSH THROUGH.
Turn those emotions into a prayer that God can hear. Because He can get you exactly what You need. He answers your prayer. & Tonight He answered me.
As I continue to sit on the couch, oven still on, candles still burning, and work clothes still on, I became overwhelmed by the words of these songs. So a time of sulking and sadness, has turned into a time of worship and reflection. A time to REMEMBER the God we serve as powerful and gracious. He holds every detail of our lives in His hands. The devil does not own you. Your emotions do not control you. Whatever battle you are in has an end and that end is through Jesus Christ. My character has been questioned.
My feet have been knocked out from under me.
I have suffered losses, defeat, and doubt.
But God.
But God.
I could say it over and over again.
BUT GOD.
We may suffer, BUT GOD guides us through.
God steps in. God intervenes. God fulfills. God heals. God NOTICES. And God ACTS.
Last month, life changed. Last week, I was hurt. Yesterday, I was drowning. Tonight, I was sulking. But now, I am found. I am healed. I am okay.
Another Casting Crowns song came on.
“Who can right every wrong? You are the only One, who can calm every storm. You are the only One. You alone are Father, Savior, Spirit, Healer, Redeemer, Lord of all, You are the only One!”
Father, Savior, Spirit, Healer, Redeemer, Lord of all! He is the ONLY one who can help us go from drowned to found! He is the only one who can turn a shipwreck into a rescue!
It is now 7:31, just a few minutes away from pressing the publish button on this post.
I want you to do something for me. I want you to read the words from Psalm 143.
“Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. Do not bring your servant into judgment, for no one living is righteous before you. The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in the darkness like those long dead. So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. I spread out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land. Answer me quickly, Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life. Rescue me from my enemies, Lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.For your name’s sake, Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.”
These are the words the Lord has put on my heart tonight.
It has been my rescue, my reminder, and moment of redemption for my heart.
Let them speak to your heart tonight like they have mine.
Let the words find you and fill you.
Because, maybe you are like me tonight- sitting on the couch, lost in an emotional whirlwind, feeling far from God. Maybe you are drowning in hurt and confusion. Maybe you are shipwrecked. Let Psalm 143 be your life line- words God has casted out your way. Words He hopes to use to reel you back in. We all go overboard every now and then, we just need His love to pull us back up and lead us to shore. God sent me a life line tonight, through the words of songs and the words of His word, I hope it can be just that for you too. God's word will always reels us back in- remember this tonight.
xoxo
MKG
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